Starting therapy can bring up a lot of questions, and sometimes the ones that feel too small or too awkward to ask out loud are the ones worth addressing directly. Here are five things I want every client to know, whether you’re just getting started or you’ve been coming for a while.
1. It's okay if you don't know what you want to talk about
This is one of the most common things I hear from people starting therapy, and honestly, from clients I’ve been seeing for a while too. “I just don’t even know what I have to talk about today.”
Don’t worry. I’m not worried.
I have never once run out of things to explore in a session. If you come in with a list, I love that for you. Read it to me so we can budget our time. But if you’ve got nothing? That’s completely fine too.
Therapy has this way of progressing so naturally when you let it. You start telling me about something that happened this week that bothered you but you’re not sure why, and twenty minutes later we’re all the way back in middle school, making connections and meeting the younger, hurting parts of you that are showing up in your life today.
Just show up and stay open. If you’re determined to sit in silence, we will sit in silence, and I promise you, I can outlast you. But if you come with even a little curiosity, there’s no limit to where we can go.
2. You can ask me anything
It’s completely normal to be curious about your therapist. It’s also completely fine if you’re not curious at all. In fact, one of the quiet gifts of the therapy relationship is that you are under absolutely no obligation to ask me about my day or what’s going on in my life. You are free from that particular social contract in here. Embrace it.
But if you find yourself burning with curiosity, ask away. I may or may not answer. That’s a clinical judgment call, and it’s mine to make. What I will always do is explain myself. If I’m not going to answer something because it’s personal or because I don’t think it serves the work we’re doing together, I’ll tell you that directly. I won’t leave you feeling ashamed for being a human being with curiosity.
3. You are allowed to talk about anything, including sex
Most of us have spent our whole lives learning what is and isn’t appropriate to bring up with other people. Those rules do not apply here.
I want you to bring into the therapy space absolutely everything that makes you who you are. Sex and sexuality are part of the human experience, just like relationships, spirituality, career, and purpose. When clients look at me nervously and ask, “Am I allowed to talk about this?” the answer is always yes. I promise you will not scandalize me.
And if we ever do approach a boundary in the room, I’ll name it. We’ll slow down, come back to ourselves, and talk about what just happened. In therapy, the process is just as important as the content.
4. Yes, I want to see the photo. And yes, read me the texts.
Therapy is a relationship between two human beings, and I want what happens in our space to feel real and grounded in your actual life.
If you want to show me a picture of your pet, your kid, your partner, or your best friend, show me. If you want to read me a text exchange or walk me through an email thread, I’m here for it. People process and share information in so many different ways, and sometimes the clearest path into a story is to just lay it out and then get into it.
I will never ask for these things. But if you want to share, consider permission granted. And as always, if I think we’re heading somewhere that isn’t serving you, I’ll say so. Holding the frame of the therapy space is my job, not yours.
5. I am not here to tell you what to do, or who's right
This is probably the most common misconception about therapy: that you’re here to receive wisdom from someone who has it all figured out. Some pinnacle of mental health and relational functioning. (If that’s what you’re looking for, I hate to disappoint.)
I’m human, same as you. I have training and knowledge, and I will share both. But telling you what I think you should do in a given situation is not actually helpful to you, not in the long run.
What I will do is sit right next to you while you figure it out.
The goal of therapy, for me, is never to hand down a verdict on a situation or a relationship. It’s to equip you to show up differently in your life, to shift the patterns, break the cycles, and build the kind of self-trust that I would never want to shortcut by substituting my opinion for yours. You are the expert on your life and your lived experience. My job is to help you own that.
Ready to Start Therapy?
Starting therapy can feel intimidating, especially when you are not sure what to expect in therapy or how the process works. You do not need to have everything figured out before reaching out. Therapy is a space to explore, ask questions, and begin understanding yourself with support along the way. We are here to help you take the next step.
